she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
