how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
