The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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