The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
