Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
