I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
