why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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