I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
