no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
