its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
