I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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