Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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