Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would ride that face into the sunset
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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