She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
