first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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