i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
