why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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