i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
