if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
