No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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