He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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