My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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