I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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