babies were throwing up all over the place
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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