You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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