I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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