Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
