Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
