Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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