i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
