The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
