history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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