It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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