I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
