omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
