I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
