I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
