I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
