I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
