So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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