Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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