Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
