The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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