the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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