I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
