Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Randomize
