ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
