i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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