what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
