I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
