A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
