Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
