Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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