Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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