I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
