I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
