Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I touched a dick in church today
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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